Christmas Gifts for Your Ex
Breaking up is hard to do at the best of times but if it happens near the Christmas season it’s all the more depressing.
You may be sad, angry, confused or all three, but rest assured that with the new year just around the corner, a fresh start lies ahead.
Until then, a good spot of indulgence and whinging will help you through the emotional odyssey of loss and disillusionment.
To distract you from the unenviable task of questioning your faith in mankind, a spot of fantasising about all the horrible things that could happen to whoever broke your heart may very well help.
To start you off on your imaginative exploits, we’ve put together a list of revenge and retribution Christmas gifts that are perfect for any ex, so put down your tissues and enjoy.
Merry Christmas!
£5 Gift voucher for a taxidermist
As a subtle way of telling your ex to get stuffed, vouchers for taxidermy are a good choice. Caution is advised for those who had a pet with their former lover as this might send out some rather dark and unnecessary connotations. But for petless pawns of post-relationship perturbations - go for it.
Subscription to Asphalt magazine
To get back at the person in your life who walked all over you, make sure they have ample reading in their soon-to-be-found singledom with a subscription to Asphalt Contractor magazine. Filled with incredible insights into the exciting world of pavements, this magazine is a great way to tell your new ex to hit the road and keep on walking.
Voucher for Fat Camp
This one is mainly for the boys wanting to reach out to the girl that left them and show them how they really feel. For every time you were asked “do I look fat in this dress?” you need not utter a word, simply write ‘For Shamu’ on an envelope and let the voucher do the talking.
Pile cream
If your ex was rather retentive or just a pain in the bum, then pile cream is the gift that keeps on giving. Imagine their face on Christmas morning as they rip the wrapping paper off their very own tube of pile medication in front of all their nearest and dearest!
Nothing
To be honest, the most mature and sensible thing to do if you can’t do anything nice, is to do nothing at all. No matter what happened to cause your relationship to come to an end, spending ages picking out a hurtful and horrible present won’t change anything and will only hold you back from moving on with your own life.
But if you must insist on being immature, you might as well go all out and find a sealable tin into which you can express yourself artistically. Just make sure you label it properly so that it doesn’t end up going to your Nan by mistake.
Now that you're feeling better about your freedom, do remember that for all the lovely people in your life, DotComGiftShop has tonnes of ideas including a huge range of unusual Christmas gifts.
